Truth’s Herald

I haven’t written one of these blogs in a while. For a start I’ve been very busy again, things haven’t calmed down since I moved house and we started a new intake of students at work. But I’m sat here on a train being rushed from London – my home town – to Liverpool – my home – at speed. I love this journey, I love sitting here watching the the green fields race past. There is something that is so relaxing about it, so peaceful. It’s also, as I’ve mentioned before, a great setting for me to get ideas for my writing. So far since we set off at 11:15 this morning I have already written an entire new scene for the short story I am currently working on called ‘Herald of Truth‘.

I’m sat here writing this on my iPad, which is a brilliant tool for writing. It’s so much easier to sit here and flick through apps and add notes to each. Much easier than carrying round and having to get out a heavy laptop and wait for it to load. I found myself regularly using the notes app on my phone to write down ideas I had just had, but this is more conclusive and concise. I fully intend to use it more, it started off as a fairly gimmicky entertainment device but let’s see how it works for my writing. I still find it easier to compile my documents in word or pages. I’m also getting used to using a touch screen keyboard, so far it’s a very different experience, so bear with me while I weed out the spelling mistakes!

The main reason I haven’t posted a blog in a long time is because I haven’t known what to say. I feel completely burnt out at the moment, still very depressed and down. Work as I’ve said before has been very busy at the moment. We had a new intake in October, which means a host of new students starting their course. I think all in all we have about 80 new students. If you bear in mind that our previous overall student base was around 60 students on all courses, we have over double our students on one new course. While this is a good thing, it has meant a lot of extra work for everyone. I’ve had to teach a lot of things I haven’t taught before. While I enjoy it, I need to make sure I prepare for each lecture properly. Which has worn me out…

I’m also exhausted because a lot of events I booked a while ago – to try and occupy my mind – have come around all at once. As you’ve already read, I’m currently sat on a train from London after seeing Devin Townsend last night. I really feel that I should have stayed at home. In fact I had a really strong urge to stay home, which I can’t quite explain. It might have just been my tiredness or it could have been something else, I’m not quite sure yet.

One of the events I went to was last week, which was Destination Star Trek London. Now I’m a huge Star Trek fan, so I had been looking forward to it for a long time. At first I did have a great time. It was incredible to see all the five captains together on stage interacting. It was also incredible to meet Bill Shatner and Sir Patrick Stewart. But once the parties started, I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. It brought back memories of previous cons I had been to and enjoyed. So it also brought a lot of stuff up from the last 18 months or so and I got incredibly down and unhappy that night. I should probably hide my phone when I get drunk and depressed…

The day afterwards I was pretty annoyed with myself, so I decided to give myself a self-imposed ban from Facebook, Twitter et al. I thought about deactivating Facebook again but I didn’t want to be accused of attention-seeking.

I also started to write a blog about the last 18 months of my life. About all the things that made me so depressed and desperately down. Why I often feel broken, with little to no motivation for life. But it was too hard to write, the things I wanted to put to paper hurt too much. There are a lot of things I’m sorry about and things that I don’t think are right. But some of the things I wanted to write could potentially hurt a few people and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt people. Even this short paragraph was difficult to write. I don’t think in my frame of mind I can accurately say what I want to say. So I will keep my silence and pray that one day things will sort themselves out. I always do…

My self-imposed silence on social sites lasted pretty well until last night and I wasn’t particularly drunk. Just morose. I had this unbelievable urge to be home that I can’t explain. I hold a lot of belief in instinct and fate etc. Although, those beliefs have been shaken a lot this last year.

Anyway, I decided to write this blog for myself, just to get some things out of my head while I was sat here on this train. I will hopefully be back soon. Thank you for reading…

I Return

Well I guess it’s time I wrote one of these things again. It’s been quite a while since my last blog once again. But I have excuses a plenty! I’ve only just really finished moving house. Monday was the last day on the tenancy of my old flat. Those of you who have moved house will know that it’s not just about moving stuff from one place to another, which is incredibly tiring I might add, it’s also having to sort everything out from utilities to changing addresses with every service you subscribe to. I’m still living out of a few boxes and bags… All in all it’s pretty time consuming and I only finished sorting the most part yesterday. I’ve also got a problem where some quite expensive tickets were dispatched to my old address and the property managers are being as unhelpful as possible at getting back. Trust me there will be more on them in a future blog!

It has also been a busy period at work. The demand has been phenomenal and we have a record number of new students. As great as this is, it made the first week of the new course pretty intensive for everyone. There is still a lot of work to be done but it’s starting to ease off and relax slightly now we are getting in to the swing of things. It didn’t help that towards the end of the week I started to pick up what I can only describe as freshers flu.

Over the weekend I was busy away in London crewing a convention called the Entertainment Media Show. I’ve been to plenty of conventions as a paying attendee, but I have never crewed before so a few months ago I decided that I should give this weekend a go a my first event crewing. I didn’t realise at the time that it would fall right in the middle of this busy work and moving home period, otherwise I might have left it until the start of next year. In hindsight it probably wasn’t the best time to start and I could barely talk to anyone over the weekend due to losing my voice to the flu. So apologies to anyone I spoke to, I’m not normally quite that quiet/rude! That said, I did have a really good time.

I was musing in the week before the event that so many people seem so self-absorbed, so caught up in their own lives. I was even going to write a blog about it but didn’t get time. I constantly found myself getting out of the way of other people without so much as a thank you, especially it seemed, when carrying heavy things. Why should I move out of the way if I’m the one carrying something heavy? Anyway, I didn’t want to go in to that now. What I was going to say was that it was so nice and refreshing to crew at an event and see that for the most part everyone else crewing was very conscientious of what was going on. They seemed to want to help the attendees and make sure everything ran logically and smoothly while making sure everyone, including the other crew, enjoyed themselves.

So I had a really good time. The Saturday was hard work in parts, bag checking for Matt Smith (Doctor Who), Red Dwarf and Mike Tyson photo queues. But it was great fun really, being close to these guests and even getting to chat to them was excellent. Also working with and getting to know some of the other crew was great, it’s always good to make new friends and I hope to make many more. So in short I will definitely be applying to crew again. I’m not someone who goes round and gets loads of autographs and photos and obsesses about guests. So it’s much nicer for me to do something active and be a part of it. These shows are always a nice environment to be in (although the boxing fans pushed it at times! I won’t go in to details, but sheesh, considering it was a family show, some of that language was fairly inappropriate!) so I will be back.

Thankfully I have this weekend free, the first in what seems ages. It will give me time to sort out the flat and do some writing.

On that note, I don’t know if I have mentioned it before but in a few weeks I have the opportunity to chat with an editor from the Black Library about one of my stories. This is obviously a great opportunity and I’m almost finished on a short story, but for previously mentioned reasons I haven’t done any writing in a couple of weeks. I will be from now on spending as much spare time as possible on finishing the draft of this story. I’ve got till the start of November so it should give me enough time to draft and hopefully edit. Wish me luck… Once again I will be calling on my test readers for their feelings on the work. If you feel like getting involved, feel free to comment or message me!

Once again thanks for reading and hopefully it won’t be so long before my next blog.



poetry, sometimes.

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